my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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