who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
