Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
