Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
