I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
