You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You're like the curious george of whores
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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