She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
