i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
