Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
