On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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