I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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