Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
