I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
