i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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