I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
