My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
