I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
