Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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