I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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