why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
