The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
