just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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