no, he came in my armpit
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize