we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
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think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
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I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize