Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
