he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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