he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
