rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
