Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
