Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
