idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
