that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
