If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
COCAINE IS GR8
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
