STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
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In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
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Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize