you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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