there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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