he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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