I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
