i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
