Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
