yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
