i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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