Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
