butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
