conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
