On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
