Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
