I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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