I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
