So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
