from now on my penis is your penis
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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