trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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