Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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