And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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