its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sext me about skeletons
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
