i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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