Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
