but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
