if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
