just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
