Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
