why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My bed smells like the plague
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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