Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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