This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
