The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
