i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
