last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
