imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
