I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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