I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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