WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
