I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
