I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
