Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
