So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
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If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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