it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
