Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
