this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize