Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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