I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
