He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
