i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
