well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
