Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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