what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
