So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
