Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
