he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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