what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
